(Personal Training 5 June 2010)
I will try to write a different thing here, and then, I will present my full conclusion of what the Lord has taught me, in Chinese.
I watched a movie on "The Princess and the Frog" with Liwen on Sunday evening. It is a 2009 American animated family film produced by Walt Disney Animation Studios, a fairy tale set in Jazz Age-era New Orleans and centered on a young girl named Tiana and her fateful kiss with a frog prince who desperately wants to be human again. Normally, I do not want to watch such movies just to pass time, but since God led me to, I might as well acknowledge the Spirit leading me to watch the movie for gospelization reasons.
New Orleans – is it not a place where God sent Hurricane Katrina to destroy the land of jazz, indulgence, with a background of voodoos? But God also said that if we have a chance to get near it (i.e. getting near it in this movie), why not take it as God having a bright plan in this promised just for His children (me)?
Tiana had an ambition from young. She wanted to open her own restaurant, and thus toiled day and night to save up. The prince Naveen was leeched from his parents, and thus was broke, yet he just wanted to be carefree and is arrogant about it. At the beginning of the film, many would have that Tiana represented a good character, and Naveen is where most would have frowned to. Naveen was turned to a frog by a voodoo sorcerer, and thinking that Tiana was a princess (because she was wearing princess’ clothes at that time), the prince frog kissed Tiana (Tiana was tricked into thinking that the prince will provide enough for her to open a restaurant, not knowing that the prince was broke financially) and she was also turned into a frog. Anyway, this sets them to an adventure to find out how to return themselves to humans again. The advice would come from a witch called Mama Odie. The turning point is here: Mama Odie asked them why they wanted to return to humans, "What do you really want?" Naveen wanted to be free, and Tiana thought and thought, and finally came with a bright light bulb in her head, "I know, I know! I want and should be even more hardworking to earn my restaurant!" I knew from here that there is something God wanted to tell me. The story ends where both of them found what they wanted, and this is "love", so that they can put aside their desires, remain as frogs, but their wishes were even fulfilled when they married as frogs and found themselves back as humans when they kissed because Tiana became a princess as she was married to a prince.
The Sunday message talked about "Earnestly desire and cultivate that you may prophesy". I had to grow up. There is a voice of God telling me from the beginning of the week to repent. My life has a lot of sufferings because comparisons, pride and inferiority continued to torture me. Yet, I have to find a point where I can still hear the Lord telling me that He loves me most, and yet I can continue with this vision as a remnant. The Lord asked me what I really wanted. Is what I wanted rest from a secular job? Is what I wanted spiritual gifts of insights of being able to read the spirits of men to shepherd them? When I look into my spirit, I saw that what I really wanted is that God’s kingdom can be expanded. Yet, this is not about zealousness, but that it is because of having a relationship with Jesus. The gift of love is greater than anything and this is in <1Co 13>. When I asked my spirit, it replied me that what I actually wanted is God Himself. I wanted to see Jesus Himself in the world glorified, but it is about zealousness or sacrificing also, but the emphasis is on seeing Jesus glorified because I want Him alone. It is not about jobs and roles, or about shitty jobs or roles, but it is about whether I can meet Him, talk to Him and walk with Him, side-by-side with Him around me always, so that I can see Him alive in all things and in 24 hours. I want to touch Him. If what I want is Him, do I need to be bothered about my role or job? But what I need is the spiritual, not the visible. What I need is Him in me, His desire in me, not about doing or in the act of hoping for it. He is in me, and I just want as full of Him as possible in me. "I am Today’s Jesus Christ" is pride if we do not know about "missing Him" so much in the relationship with Him, but "I am Today’s Jesus Christ" is just myself. Then you can also say, "I am who I am" even when this is God’s Name, because God embodies His whole life, desire, concern, breathing, direction, heartbeat, content, method in me. "I am who I am" then means "I am who God deems me to be who I am". Love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. With this kind of correct foundation, then everything can become correct.
This correct foundation is very important. With the correct foundation, the life then starts to explode with everything becoming right. God may want to tear you down into pieces, again and again, because you have not got it right. Do not think that it is slow, because that process is the most important. Your life will explode with answers once you get it right. Yet, do not stop at the foundation because you know you need healing. Move on in the process, and the Lord will restore the correct foundation in you when the timetable has come. Keep it in mind that the correct foundation must be correct, and wait for it, yet do not wait aimlessly for it, but move into equipping and healing stage, for the correct foundation can be restored only when God makes it happen.
Therefore, God also told me, "You must grow up." If God is alive and true, I must stop all complaints and take even lousy conditions as God’s given and best given to me, and move on from there. I cannot but take the conditions that I have as the best, and it must be the best because God says that it is the best. Growing up has pains, because it will mean "trying" to be independently dependent on God. You may try and fail many times, but it is better to argue with God than to be a hypocrite.
Grow up to know God fully in the Face to know Him. Take and eat up the gospel. When you apply the gospel to your conditions, do not think that "peaceful good things" mean an end to the application of the gospel to your conditions. But if you apply the gospel to the conditions, you will discover that you know deeper about the Word of the gospel through the conditions that you have. Remember: you are a preacher, not a worker in the field. Remember that you are a full-time missionary in the field and not an engineer or executive worker of a certain company.
God also tells me that I must grow up to test and approve from God’s word. It seemed hidden in me, that I want to see the living God alive in my conditions that I tend to check for evidences in my conditions always. This is not wrong, but it is so easy to go wrong by putting your focus on the conditions and not on the absolute word of God. God proved me again when He challenged me to take evidences to show that He is leading this or that way. He asked me if this is testing Him, and I realized that I am actually testing the Lord! Evidences are just a sign. They are needed for faith, but they cannot form the foundations of your belief or your very identity. Can those who preach the gospel better than me shut my mouth? Can those who gain respect in my company shut my mouth not to talk? When I place this truth in my spirit, I discover that I doubt the purest belief in me. God Himself is the Anchor, and why should I base my conditions to check that I am on the right foundation? Those things give me humility, but God is alive and if I take evidences to deem whether God wants me to speak, I have no blood and I am too proud in testing the Lord. But if God is alive, all evidences are explained from the teachings of Him, and the evidences will join up and form faith in the foundations of God.
What do you really want? If you have found what you really want in life, then you must grow up to what you have. Then seek for the answers to find out what your conditions really have, and build up the Word of the gospel in you with the conditions you have.
1）先知讲道的恩赐 => 主叫我：“玟钢啊，你要长大啊！”我明白神的意思，叫我不要再埋怨自己的条件，也不要那么的想要做什么，想要挑战什么。所以我与主连心，主就问我：“你真真想要的是什么？”是恩典吗？是安慰吗？是事工的发展吗？是能有多一点信心吗？若是这样，我发现我必定会比较、自卑、骄傲。能吧关心和关注，不自私而愿意有多先知起来，而有主的福音兴旺，我就会比较好受吗？我一生里，把关注放在多能够像耶稣基督吗？似乎是的，但又不是了，因为‘神是最爱我的’这个精意和声音，还是不能显明在我的生命和生活。所以，主在一次问我，“有了主，还要什么？”有了主的身份、心肠、目的、内容、方法 = 圣灵，还要什么？ 我一生的要得着的证据就是主本身嘛，不是吗？我的心就安然起来，也就知道主会在心灵上赐给我最好的了！
4）那么，什么方法、什么灵、什么开始，才能叫我们越来越接近‘正确的开始呢’？其实确认和察验，就是要以‘我就是这时代的余民’ = 以‘我就是神的儿女’= 以‘我就是今日、这时代的耶稣基督’，来寻求证据来叫我里头的根基（圣殿、有根有基的圣灵）建立起来。只要开始对凡事都对，所以，就算是要很久和需要多训练，也是值得的。我们的思想如何，就能判断我们的将来会如何。所以，我们若以神的所愿全然地接受，来告白说：“我将耶和华常摆在我面前，因他在我右边，我便不致摇动。因此，我的心欢喜，我的灵快乐；我的肉身也要安然居住。因为你必不将我的灵魂撇在阴间，也不叫你的圣者见朽坏。你必将生命的道路指示我。在你面前有满足的喜乐；在你右手中有永远的福乐。”大卫所做的诗篇《诗16:8-11》，不是伟大才能做的。因为明白了，自己无法不能没有耶和华在他身旁与他同在，也明白其实神从来没有离开过他，所以“将耶和华摆在我面前”的。耶和华与我们同在，就是认定耶稣基督在我们里面，也就是承认而以血祭来接纳“我是时代的主角，就是因为祂强迫性的蒙到我心了”！
5）我们怎么知道要抓住而回复的是什么‘根基’呢？圣灵是无限的，但有根有基的圣灵是？要在什么环境里来回复一切耶稣基督的根基呢？不寻求任何的知识、神秘、有能生长能命令的生命（应许），乃是为要站在最完全的 = 圣经总览（从创世纪至启示录，一脉贯通的‘耶稣基督’）来得着最能活出来的活泉圣殿，最深的 = 祷告的深度（祷告之中得应允的七个内容 = 发展关系、为了察验、感恩进入、得着圣灵的果子和声音而靠圣灵、得着悔改和洁净、代祷的福分、灵律里的应许回复权柄 = 耶稣基督的祷告），和在同路人/肢体里最精粹的职分 = 牧养 = 先知、祭司、君王的同行 = 先知的言语/表情/判断/预言、祭司的心肠/怜悯/慈爱/代赎/等候、君王的得胜/掌权/能力/见证（耶稣基督唯一在地上客旅的生活显现：角色、榜样、结论）
6）在过程里、肢体生活里，会有许多的争战。这是必定的，也是神为了保护我们，但其实是有神极大的大计划！神不是白白地叫我们受苦，叫以色列经过起伏和胜败，乃是祂为了要我们（以色列、教会）得着纯正的福音内容《约伯记》、生命和生活的真真享受而诗篇化《诗篇》、的确和明确的智慧《箴言》、人生的原来结论《传道书》和奇妙又奇妙的与耶稣基督的爱情《雅歌》。实际来说，我们为了要得着主的信息和见证、要多经历主而与主亲自交通、得取属于自己的基业，在以‘我就是这时代的主角’来活时，为了得取自己的福分和基业，有时必要有些与同工、同路人争论些事。但在这黑暗和头痛的过程里，其实继续带着谦卑的心肠（只想要面对主、只要听主的指示、只要跟从主）的神民，必会学到如何联络得合适的功课。有时，有骄傲的现象、夸耀的现象、与世人隔离的现象，但其实叫蒙恩的人更加破碎和要悔改而归向主的。这样子看来，我们要通过破碎、悔改、洁净、死而复活（洁净 = 祷告直到能看到神的笑脸）。犯罪、软弱，我们都有；挑战、旁边的人叫我们失望、黑暗、影响，我们都会经历，终是，其实，最怕的还是，他们会影响而叫我不能看见而听见主，叫我有不对的动机而不能（1）坦然无惧能透明自己的软弱，（2）进入至圣所与主亲密的交通，（3）得着赎罪祭里的代赎，所以得着以马内利的主在我里面活的‘信息’。所以其实我不是代职的牧师、长老、执事、工作人员、员工、家庭主妇、社会所认为的垃圾，我乃是全职的先知、传道人、宣教士，而代职的执事、员工。得到最高的答案、最顺的医治、和最明确的脚踪 = 如何能面对将来、人、凡事，得着权柄，在高山上能祝福万民。最高的答案，其实就是不再满足于‘明白了’，乃是满足于‘有门徒培训的信息可以多经历、更虚心、更哀恸、更温柔、更饥渴、更清心、更为义受逼迫’，能扎心而破碎、更上一层楼，所以再也不怕任何的苦难。