(Sharing 15 June 2010)
1) I felt I have no problems at all, yet I do have two haunting problems that are affecting my relationship and walk with Christ. He is my Friend and Listener. He gives me Promise so that I can live a life of purpose, know how to fulfill them by His ways, and what type of heart to carry always. He always understands me. He always smiles at me and waits for me. He is my Love. That is why I want to be healed. The two haunting problems always come to me and affect the walk. But I know and experienced that those two are not problems at all. The actual problems are hidden idols that I hope to get exposed this camp. Frankly speaking, you know the hidden idols are there, but it is only when you do not put your focus on the idols, but on what is positive, on the promise, on the greatness, on the faithfulness of God — "How Great Thou Art", on brethrens, on church, on joining together with all brothers and sisters in church – on the covenant of 4 gospelizations (not on some laws), that you begin to discover that "something" is affecting you. You do not want that. E.g. years ago, I realized this: success in world gospelization vs following Christ to fulfill world gospelization => sometimes we try to see results, and thus, we are affected. The reason we are affected and cannot see Emmanuel = there is a hidden idol that your "following Christ" is not based on Love, or what He has planned, but you have run faster and quicker than Him. There is a hidden motive inside so that life is burdensome. The hidden motive can be inferiority and wanting to prove something, the hidden motive can be insecurity and hoping that we won’t always fear about small numbers, the hidden motive can be wanting some peace finally, the hidden motive can just be centered on peace joy and the love and recognition from men, etc. I mean, once these hidden motives are discovered, it is very clear-cut that you want to get rid of them. Healing is like this. If you do not know what is to be healed, then it becomes an oppression and pressure. Once hidden idols are discovered, you can immediately be healed of them. This is called "healing through prayers". I know my timetable, but I pray to be straighten out my life to allow the covenant to stream through one Spirit / one Man of the one vein of blood vessel.
2) There are voices everywhere I hear as God has set in my heart to join together with the young adults. The love for them grows as some of them open up to me. Moreover, during this ordination trip up to KL, I hear a lot more challenges concerning these in the world of Emmanuel messages and churches. I am not sure if I can be a part of blessing it, but I know that I have to intercede – those who believe that they are relationships and information for the covenant and gospelization promise for me, they become so important when you realize this one time. They are the next generation of believers, and they also represent the people needing shepherding. Everywhere I go, even in IBM, my company, there are more youths coming up. They are inculcated through the culture of the world, they need to be successful at the point of them going into the society, once they cannot "meet God", they immediately go into the arena of accusations; and once they felt ok, they immediately felt relaxed. I wonder if my testimony can help them – centering on church yet God being touched to give everything. I do not want to be special, or a distinguished Caleb that no one can learn from, but I desire to quickly become common so that people can be reconciled to God by seeing me. But I do not mean becoming common outside, but becoming common in Christ’s experiences. It is not about psychology, and I hope to distinguish from it. There is also another group of people needing shepherding, and they are people who have gone through great problems in life: relationship, financial, marriage and about fitting into the society. They are often looked down by people, and yet they have Christ. These problems linger in them after having met God a one time (or a few times) in their lives, and they need shepherding and discipleship to help them. There are many who need help to let them meet God correctly. Some just needs explanation, but some also need time. May the Lord reveal this especially? How do we know? If we look at people just understanding them as not meeting God, it is easy to look down on them; but it is not like this because meeting God is an always thing that must happen (Satan is always an Accuser roaring like a lion always); if we know the perfect will to help them at their timetable, we will not look down on them already – I must pray for them since the Lord has given me an image. That timetable is very important for them even though their start is not correct in their situation, but what is important is that we have already prayed for them. If God has given us convictions to pray for them, the burden in us for them already proves that they are in the process to meet God in the clear. There are totally no judgments at all if there is a perfect will in all things – dwell into, or let go, at their timetable and at our timetable.
3) Since I have no more problems, I only have a focus, how to "shepherd" the Emmanuel churches of breaches within them. From one day onwards, inevitably, I became compassionate about progressing these Christ Life Church series churches. The people who cannot be blessed through Emmanuel messages and those who are lost are the ones whom my heart pains the most. There are a few reasons – like relationships, etc, but it also touches something painful – that the message that God has given – is it able to help all kinds of people if they are truly the sheep of God? If they are the ones God has placed before us, aren’t they the sheep of God? The painful thing is not complaining about the message, but about praying for enlightenments yet never disregarding the years of preaching and prayers that we all have gone through in totally destroying and newly rebuilding our Life Churches. Yet, I only pray that I can help the people whom the Lord has shown me. I am by nature, a quiet profile, and God’s calling is in it, so I begin to love it, because God gave that to me. I would deny my Love if I deny those conditions. Lord, just show me. But we cannot deny our blessed foundational Emmanuel messages, for the start of them are already the Spirit of God that is given us. The Lord has given us the best – and He progresses from there. When we understand the Emmanuel and Covenantal messages, we must understand that Covenantal messages are meaning 4 gospelizations. It is not to clear our problems alone. There are important people and information that lays the foundations and roads for us to walk on in future. We seek these roads because they are prophecies we can look forward to and a yearning heart to see that the Lord listens to our prayers. Our covenantal understanding must become practical. In this way, we can accept roles into deacons, elders, preachers, and step up into certain serving with blood. God can wait for us, but it is not about pride or qualifications on stepping up onto positions given us. The most important is that "the Lord has given me a Promise. Those who believe in this Promise will receive, understand, be led 被应许牵引by this all his life". Therefore, if one understands this, it is not about currying favor or being proud with the pastors and small group leaders who pray for us already. We cannot live alone. We tell them pastors our problems and how much we have learnt, because we desire to be joined together with them as one, as a group of brethrens, to move together in the covenant that God has given me in this era, in my lifetime, and in my household and descendants. God has given such a faith to Abraham and this faith can work and produce thousands of years of "correct" descendants. I am credited by this faith to righteousness. I die and resurrect by this Jesus Christ faith. I no longer live by fixed decrees but new way of the Spirit. I start out as the Spirit of sonship. This is not from myself but God’s all attributes are seeded into me so that He hates those who hates me. Therefore, I only become a living sacrifice, submitting to all authorities, knowing and joining together my brethrens and especially because amongst them are jewels of this 21st Century – my coworkers in World Covenantization.
4) Lastly, as I drove Rev Leechull and wife, and Pastor Vincent down to Malacca, I realized there are much more things to observe in praying and serving people just beside me. In fact, even driving has its own details. I try to learn
(1) The foundation must be strong. Don’t waver because other people say something. Go with the Spirit’s conviction through the foundation of JX. (I always drive at 110% of speed limit.) Driving, just drive at 115km/h, a little more, like 5% more than 110km/h, even with other people high beaming, just go at the pace that the law has set (but a little slower is fine). This is centering on gospel that you have met God with, and therefore centering on prayers and enjoyment, not the focus at the destination. Focus at the destination will cause one to be anxious and waver; looking at others’ changing and different conditions to suit theirs will cause one to sway from the foundation that convicted you in the first place.
(2) If really cannot go on the first lane, go with fixed perspective on the foundation on the second lane. Even if it is slower, it is okay. I saw how God greatly used Pastor Jennifer even though there are less shepherding reaching out towards all members and young adults, because she held on to the very core of the message, not compromising anything. We can try to accommodate people by helping in terms of money or food, but if the Lord tells us already that we cannot use money instead of the gospel, rely on His voice and do so. But it also meant it must be tested and approved, not anyhow do so inflexibly, else it will just be in the head knowledge of a human effort. The Lord showed grace because of the closeness to the core of the gospel.
(3) For self, driving can be faster. When fetching, let them be comfortable and, if they are anxious, let them adjust towards you yourself. It is important to suit other people as what you are doing. Train yourself, but when you are dealing with others, go with others. This is important because we join together with God when alone, and we join together with people when we are with them.
Frankly speaking, it means trusting God in the gospel movement. I am trying to put aside the less important and anxious things in life, e.g. even working and tasks – things of Martha, but focus on the things of Mary. This is about focusing on prayers in the midst of being amongst people to shepherd. If you focus on the Lord and it brought about problems in your promotion (in anything), don’t waver.