(Sharing 30th August 2010)
I have not been able to blog much recently, and I have been wanting to blog about the following but found no time. It may be that God just wants me to put these behind me and focus on the Holy Spirit.
1) Loneliness vs the Gospel
2) Motivational speaking vs the Gospel
3) Criss Angel vs the Gospel
4) Dreams vs the Gospel
5) Bondage of Success-thinking vs the Gospel
6) The era of culture-progression from empires of Egypt, Assyria, Babylon, Persia, Greece, Rome, Europe, America and the present-day with respect to the progression of the gospel movement so as to know how to conquer the present-day culture eminent in secular office work
Life has been so busy renovating the new church premise and shifting. God continued to give me an alerted mind (with a few hiccups of absentmindedness) through these few weeks, but the body is also weak so that I felt hardship. Yet, I have found a new joy never before found in me.
The efficiency of the time spent gave me much hope that I actually can equip myself much more in Christ. I really wish to wear the Holy Spirit in my spirit always, and use the Holy Spirit to see all things. I have a seemingly new urge in me hungering for the Holy Spirit so much that it makes my soul so contrite of longing for Him. For this, I earnestly wanted to be a trainer / teacher, a gospel-tract or material maker, so that I can, at the same time, equip and make my life useful for His kingdom. But I await His time for me.
I had a lot of weaknesses exposed during days of being a “gangster” with the rough people of renovation and contracting work. Nobody may know the amount of accusations I face from the devil for each hurried email / call I make, but through each, I know myself much more than before, and I hated this very nature of old self in me so much. Such an old self cannot be just resoluted in removing, for it is a carnal self that has a deep background of upbringing and past memories of hurts. Yet, understanding this old self puts me to understanding God’s actual calling for me so that I can remain humble and meet God with the purest heart that I ever known. Accusations – in a sense, they are still wrapped and sealed by the Holy Spirit’s convictions. Therefore, in each of the accusations and weaknesses exposed, I know that the Holy Spirit is trying to cleanse me through His Holy Spirit. “Lord, sanctify me with Your Essence!”
Through the ever-busy work, I found myself in the most needful time in the pulpit ministry of our church. Do you know what? In the past, I teared because of problems that came striking into my heart, but now, I teared because I CAN understand the Holy Spirit in the gospel. Being able to understand the Holy Spirit is not by human wisdom, for that is just impossible. In fact, it requires total death and resurrection in Christ. I truly understood this meaning, when I let myself go and submitted to every authority that God has placed me under, so that a new and refreshing spirit of uprightness came shining into my heart. Remember that I said that the South Korean trip in March / April 2010 actually made me tear in all of the meetings? I was able to tear when Rev Leechull came in our midst. I wasn’t able to tear in our Singapore church meetings “correctly”, but now, I teared for almost every meeting. And, the best thing is, I teared because of His simplest gospel message, for me and for the people around me. This is just a great revelation and I just give thanks to God again and again for this so much that I tell God, “Lord, I really love You” again and again calmly. This is just a line between life and death. Without passing this kingdom of test, one would become very proud and critical. I just thank God so much for protecting me from being like the persecutors who attacked our beloved pastor in America, and at the same time, I really felt pitiful for those who cannot pass the kingdom test. Frankly speaking, passing the kingdom test is equivalent to admitting defeat and surrender. Those who cannot surrender will just continue to make useless noise. It is a mystery to say this.
Additionally, I discovered that the Holy Spirit anxiously desired to give me an anointing lately. Through talking to people, I realized that God wanted me to venture into an area where I should go forth and shine God’s perfect will in the people beside me, who always thought their conditions just alienates them and me, so that the devil scorned and laughed at me that I was blemished.
There is only one more thing for me to concentrate pray before 1 Sept comes. I know the Lord wants to deal with me personally about this, and this is about taking loads and pressures with absolutely no complaints but as Romans 8:17 says, “Now if we are children, then we are heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory”, to take sufferings as my glory and my crown. I am left with 2 days more before God wants me to put down “giving God”, and concentrate on life. “Lord, kill my pride so that I may breathe, chit-chat and walk with You!”