(Sharing 1st February 2011)
My father is out of the hospital today, and I am preparing my heart to equip myself ever more to fight the evil fangs of Satan. I am going to question the blatant truth in the spiritual realms. If I sound like I am writing from frustration, please understand that this is not so, because I write this after many hours of prayers, enjoying much heavenly assurance and power through confirming and testing the heart, so that I recall and see the despicable the spiritual slander that has been ongoing since the creation of the world.
Years in my father’s church have made him so blind as to make him as much of a hell as a person who knows God as if he is worshipping a common Chinese religion. His heart is weeping not because his heart is not upright towards God, but because he sees he needs to be a nicer man towards man, and admires the exact opposite of what God desired. I am not criticizing my father, but I am crying for his soul. Who made him like this? I am my father’s son, and I should know much better about my father than anyone.
I remembered how I loved my previous church so much so that I committed every of my life in. That time, though the church sang about “Jesus Who died on the cross, sins forgiven, and therefore, singing praises glory to His Name”, I discovered a vast contrast of the grace in my heart of how I sing this song now and how I sing this song back then. When I sing this song now, my heart desired to fill this grace and truth of Christ daily, to become one with Christ in enjoying at the top of the mountain each day, and enjoyed the power of the gospel praying that the Spirit of evangelism may reach the unreached. Yet back in the past, when I sang the song, I remembered vividly that I was so wrong to weep when I sang because I saw I had not been a person meeting God’s requirements, the love of Christ dying for me just made me not be able to see Him in the face, having an urge in my heart to lead a better Christian life, so that only after when I have done so, I can face the God Who died for me. Clearly in my heart back then, there were flashbacks of people who were really worse off than me in living their Christian life, yet a religious commitment in my heart to just only to face the commandments of God alone made me try hard to temporarily forget them, so that I could take in all the accusations into my heart, so that after the ordeal, I would feel I have offset the wrongs I have done, so that the power of the fear to do wrong again would come into my heart as a reminder so that I could do better next time. When I have done such a “prayer struggle of repentance”, strangely, I saw more accusations, and I welcomed them more into my heart, and in areas I could do so, I would try to pray as if I am an angel of light that the other Christians I felt they were so wrong can have a better testimony in their life.
Do you see? I hope as I write out the past feelings, you could understand it is heaven and hell of a difference! I was living in hell back then, and it was actually the previous church environment which made me a Pharisee, someone who looks so committed and zealous on the outside, but someone who did not know God to be one with Him at all! I thank God that I had no power in my heart in the past, else I would become Satan’s instrument to encourage other Christians to be the same shit as me! The messages of my previous were so close to the message of Christ, yet it is so paradoxically appearing right, but in fact totally wrong, in fact, being made an instrument of Satan!
What does God hate most? What is Satan’s instrument? I began to understand in a much clearer light. God hates Satan because it masquerades as an angel of light as a Deceiver to deceive the ones who love God, who really want to follow His will, so that they get the opposite of what God really desires – not sacrifices, but a heart of abiding in Him.
How can a leader of a church get an eye disease? How can one receive so many illnesses in his body yet never fear God in condemning people who are not afraid of being in the wrong but only afraid of not walking with God? How can the family of God break up more and more?
I begin to understand why God made me read Psalm 52 to 58 these few weeks.
1 Why do you boast of evil, you mighty hero?
Why do you boast all day long,
you who are a disgrace in the eyes of God?
5 Surely God will bring you down to everlasting ruin:
He will snatch you up and pluck you from your tent;
he will uproot you from the land of the living.
6 The righteous will see and fear;
they will laugh at you, saying,
4 Do all these evildoers know nothing?
They devour my people as though eating bread;
they never call on God.
5 But there they are, overwhelmed with dread,
where there was nothing to dread.
3 Arrogant foes are attacking me;
ruthless people are trying to kill me—
people without regard for God.[i]
4 Surely God is my help;
the Lord is the one who sustains me.
5 Let evil recoil on those who slander me;
in your faithfulness destroy them.
1 Listen to my prayer, O God,
do not ignore my plea;
2 hear me and answer me.
My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught
3 because of what my enemy is saying,
because of the threats of the wicked;
for they bring down suffering on me
and assail me in their anger.
4 My heart is in anguish within me;
the terrors of death have fallen on me.
5 Fear and trembling have beset me;
horror has overwhelmed me.
9 Lord, confuse the wicked, confound their words,
for I see violence and strife in the city.
15 Let death take my enemies by surprise;
let them go down alive to the realm of the dead,
for evil finds lodging among them.
20 My companion attacks his friends;
he violates his covenant.
21 His talk is smooth as butter,
yet war is in his heart;
his words are more soothing than oil,
yet they are drawn swords.
5 All day long they twist my words;
all their schemes are for my ruin.
6 They conspire, they lurk,
they watch my steps,
hoping to take my life.
7 Because of their wickedness do not[o] let them escape;
in your anger, God, bring the nations down.
8 Record my misery;
list my tears on your scroll[p]—
are they not in your record?
9 Then my enemies will turn back
when I call for help.
By this I will know that God is for me.
6 They spread a net for my feet—
I was bowed down in distress.
They dug a pit in my path—
but they have fallen into it themselves.
7 My heart, O God, is steadfast,
my heart is steadfast;
I will sing and make music.
8 Awake, my soul!
Awake, harp and lyre!
I will awaken the dawn.
1 Do you rulers indeed speak justly?
Do you judge people with equity?
2 No, in your heart you devise injustice,
and your hands mete out violence on the earth.
3 Even from birth the wicked go astray;
from the womb they are wayward, spreading lies.
4 Their venom is like the venom of a snake,
like that of a cobra that has stopped its ears,
6 Break the teeth in their mouths, O God;
LORD, tear out the fangs of those lions!
7 Let them vanish like water that flows away;
when they draw the bow, let their arrows fall short.
8 May they be like a slug that melts away as it moves along,
like a stillborn child that never sees the sun.
9 Before your pots can feel the heat of the thorns—
whether they be green or dry—the wicked will be swept away.[v]
10 The righteous will be glad when they are avenged,
when they dip their feet in the blood of the wicked.
11 Then people will say,
“Surely the righteous still are rewarded;
surely there is a God who judges the earth.”
I was wondering how these words by David can be applied, how Jesus can come say to Pharisees, “You venomous vipers!” Now I understand why Satan cannot be shown mercy.
It is a spiritual battle ahead. to make my father understand. I cannot continue to remain in comfort, but a Christian living must be a bit anxious, because there is spiritual battle. This is about anxiousness to have the heart be ready, equip materials, equip messages, write blogs, intercede for people to understand to come near to God and Satan will then flee.