Started drafting from around 20 Jan 2012
Have you held on to some dreams or visions that cannot be let go? I remember the promise given to me about world gospelization where I am the main character. I remember the message where it was spoken “Is Moses someone special? No, but he was used greatly by the Lord because the Lord wants to use him. What do you have that God will want to use you?” I remember the message “When one person repents for the whole era, the whole era can be saved.” I remember the message when Stephen Tong said, “You really don’t believe the bible, do you?” and he tore up the bible in front of me. I remember LC telling me “Singapore and Malaysia is given into your hands” and I said “I cannot believe”, and he had the disappointed look in the face. I remember “all your problems are for saving the later generations”. Though I am quiet, do not think much by nature, but I remember “It does not take an intelligent and apt person to conquer the whole world in Christ, but by simple faith in Christ”.
To this day, whenever I become weak, discouraged, having no fruits, proven again and again to be in disbelief, dying and resurrecting with Christ again and again, I find that there is something that always make me stand up again, continue to go to church, and make equipping ever more intense than before. It is not because I am a very serious, hardworking or strong person. In fact, I am slow, having lots of spiritual problems, am small, known to be insignificant, and am truly the weakest of all living, etc. But because of more spiritual problems than others, I have this same grievous hatred “Lord, it is not fair. It is a fact that You promised me.” <Acts 26:19> “So then, King Agrippa, I was not disobedient to the vision from heaven.” It was not because I have never failed, but each time I fall, I found myself unable to disbelieve that I am blessed by God as His child as it is the truth, and I remember His promises to me, so that I get up again and again, and again.
The fact is not that I am someone special so that I can stand on top of the world and proclaim Christ. The fact is that Christ has looked at me when He was like a rose trampled down on the Cross. The fact is that He told me “Make disciples of all nations” even when I disbelieved, and He proclaimed to me, “Lo! I am with me till the ends of the earth” <Mt 28:18-20>. I cannot just forget those things even when I am totally beaten down. In fact, these things appear much more absolutely and strangely unforgettable when I am totally beaten down.
Therefore, I discovered that “I am called”. And I am in the midst of those who are called in the same fully-equipped gospel message. <Php 4:13> “I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.” This is why I believe in satisfaction in all my conditions, but I also believe that God can change a person or change a church many, many times over. It is not I who change, therefore, I pray, I pray, I pray and I pray to transform my spirit from my death into His death, from my desires into His resurrected spirited and lively form to hear Him.
But this is only just the beginning of discovering ‘I believe”. Because “I believe” just 1/10 the transformational change of two persons saying “I believe”. And “I believe” is 1/10000 the transformational change possible of a church who can accept “I believe” and prays for one another, and 1/10000000 the transformational change possible of missions, the love for all nations, till the ends of the world. This is why “I believe” is just the beginning. The limit of co-working is limitless. <Mk 16:20> “Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked with them and confirmed his word by the signs that accompanied it.”