Drafted since 2012-10-18
As much as I have tried, the hunger of the bad wolf still keeps coming at me. I hate the world, but through the failure, it becomes a realization that I still love parts of the world. How come? Am I so weak in faith after so many battles? Why do I hate it so much, but it still comes to me?
Immediately after a failure, or immediately after realizing “I am a failure”, we will try to fight our accuser and rid of the guilt somehow. Immediately, we will try to use our strength and intentions to ask God to cleanse us. However, this is actually only a natural response in the body of depravity.
Realize that we have totally no strength against the burden of sin! We have totally no strength to even save our sheep. Why does Jesus have to go through the cross? It is for a spiritual reason of battling against the personification of disbelief, Satan, so that Jesus’ disciples will not come to realize unless the battle has been won. Jesus had to become humiliated to the point of being nailed to the cross, and to the point of being buried 3 days in Hades. He is the firstborn of all Who had gone through death and resurrection. He is the temple we are going to model after.
Who are we that we may fight any temptations that come by? Can we fight our accuser who accuses day and night? We can only follow the truth. We can only win over the bad wolf by starving the bad wolf. We starve the bad wolf by only keeping our whole lives dedicated to feeding the good wolf. (In case you do not know the analogy: bad wolf = Satan; good wolf = Holy Spirit.)
In this case, where is our gain then? Do we always lose? There are two things we can check:
1) After going through failures, do you treasure more of God’s love? Do you have more compassion for people? Does love grow in you? Rejoice if it does! This is called being buried in Christ. Abide by the truth. The truth says that if you receive into your heart and your heart is glad when you see that “God is with me”, and that “God can now use me more because I know more compassion”, it is no longer you who are trying to be joyful. You can be joyful because He tells you to. You can be joyful because His word comes into you and you have taken them in. It is religious to try to be joyful, but it is the gospel to be naturally joyful.
2) After going through failures, do you hate the flesh more and you rejoice at every victory more? A grievous hatred towards the original sin gives courage to a child of God. The rejoicing at every victory is the humility of a child of God. Who are we that we can be sad over loss and failure? Who are we that we only thank God in our mind just because we pass a problem? That is pride. Live out your emotions with what He says! Be in total contriteness and sorrows when you fail. Be in total praise, dancing with all your might (till maybe your pants drop) when you see the ark of covenant returning to your heart!
We only live for a slight dot of time on earth. Jesus is coming again. When He comes again, how will He find His servant? Am I good and faithful, having godly tears when He tells me to, and praising with all my might when He tells me to? I do not belong to the dark. I belong to my Head Jesus Christ.